My mother was making dinner
She told me to go across the hall
To get some sugar
for the kool-aid
I knocked on my neighbor’s door
He invited me in
He was 15,
I was 6
And he had a gun aimed at my heart
He shot it
But he missed
But then he shot it again
And I took the second one like a champ
Then He shot it again
And it hit my spine
The very thing that I stood on
And I fell
He hovered over me and said,
“Big girls don’t tell”.
Pride, lust, unforgiveness, and greed surrounded me and said, “Get up!”
I said, “I can’t…”
They said, “Get up!”
And I crawled away wounded.
Only to relive it again, when I was 13
He was going on 30
He invited me into his office
And he had a gun aimed at my heart
He shot it
But he missed
But then he shot it again
And I took the second one like a champ, like I did when I was 6
Then he shot it again
It enter the hollowness of my stomach
And I was no longer hungry for forgiveness.
And I fell
He hovered hover me and said,
“No one will believe you if you tell”.
Pride, lust, unforgiveness, and greed surrounded me and said, “Get up!”.
I said, “I can’t…”
They said, “Get up!”
I walked away wounded.
Only to find myself at 25
Living with those four bullets inside.
As gunpowder and residue collide
Eroding from the inside out.
Causing the little girl and teenager to scream and shout!
With no one to hear
Not knowing where to run
So I build my own walls from remnants of guns
Guarded by vicious dogs
Who trust no one
I don’t know what those four bullets are for you.
Maybe it was a father that left too soon
A mother that didn’t love you like she was designed to
Maybe it was the time you turned your womb into a tomb, repented, and don’t believe
that God forgave you
Looking for worth by throwing it up in the toilet
Seeking for truth only finding yourself indoctrinated
Climbing into an addiction that it promised freedom to only find yourself sedated
Broken from the man that didn’t fulfill you
Or the woman that didn’t sustain you
Believing they were the means to salvation
But for me….it was the time when a man tried to make a woman out of me at 6 and 13
The remnants of gunfire are heavy
I know His burden is light
But I want to hold onto mines
Forgiveness is knocking on my walls
I hear my Abba call
So I finally call off the dogs
Let down those gates
Step outside those walls
Dirt all over my face
Dark circles around my eyes
Ragged clothes
With my wounds barely covered, still bleeding
As my lips trembling to the point of pleading
Tears running down my face
With His courage I say
Calmly,
Pure,
And true
Forgive us Father…
Forgive us…
Forgive us Father…
For we know not what we do